i try my hardest to stay positive and to not let myself drown in worries or doubts. i really do. and for a 15 year old, i’d hope i do a pretty good job.
but today sucked.
it really sucked. and it’s only tuesday. today, i failed a test, got a zero on a huge assignment that i did, and dealt with myriads of other stressful issues. and, after having two mental breakdowns at home, i discovered that a teacher i had today said some very mean things under his breath about me today before a test regarding my intelligence– and of course i ended up failing the test.
today, i came home in the worst mood and i just lay on the couch basking in annoyance and anger. anger at the world, at school, at myself. i was angry because i’m smart and i know it. i was angry because i am intelligent and i am worth something, but school makes me doubt that. it makes all of us doubt that. it makes people doubt themselves and their abilities. it’s all a big comparing game, and that made me angry today.
so, after crying for a fourth time today, i took a deep breath and started my latin homework. upon doing so, i had a realization. today happened for a reason. its course of events happened for a reason. i dealt with challenges and meanness and frustration for a reason.
i needed fire.
i needed reasons to fight. i needed a fire to be lit within me. i needed people to prove wrong. i needed to be inspired.
inspired to succeed, to win, to fly. i needed experiences to guide me to where i need to be. what happened to me today was an ambush of negative energy, but what i realized transformed that energy. it made the positivity i was wishing for a reality. because i didn’t shut down, because i didn’t give up, because i didn’t throw in the towel, i sit here, writing this, saying to you all that i am glad this horrible day happened. i am glad that these experiences are guiding me to where i need to be. i am glad to have a reason to fight and fight and fight.
my dad left me a letter on my desk when he found out my day had been bad. it read:
bad days suck. control (change) what you can and put the rest out of your mind. endorphins help– so does gum. this too shall pass. love, dad
(he left me a pack of gum.)
thank you dad. thank you friends. thank you readers. thank you mom. thank you universe. i’ll get there.